November 20th. An Update.

21 Nov

Like what even is my life anymore? I was supposed to work this week with more cookie sales (“Hi, my name’s Aviva Woolf-Manas and I’m an overgrown girl scout”) but due to some wacky mix-up, they were cancelled. And now it’s Thursday and I’m listening to Michael Buble’s Christmas album and reading a HuffPo article about dogs who don’t understand how to carry sticks through doorways in a manner that doesn’t get them stuck (well *reading* might be a little generous since it’s like 4 words and a GIF).

I did however get my legs waxed today (I *know* in the WINTER – but I’m going to Florida for Thanksgiving next week so I’ll allow it.) This woman is a bit of an over-sharer to begin with, once spending a whole session telling me about how her jealous husband is probably going to kill himself because he found some incriminating pictures on her Instagram (“Like, could he just kill himself already and stop calling me, I swear, he’s so annoying. It was a kiss who cares. And I took a pic of it and put it on Instagram what a drama queen.”) Keep in mind that I asked her how she was doing not “So has your husband overreacting to any infidelities you’ve committed recently..?”

Today I came in and she said, “The weirdest thing is happening. I will think of someone and then like within 24 hours they will call or text me. Randomly! And it hasn’t happened like one or two times. It’s happened TWENTY TIMES.”

Me: Wow, 20 times. That’s like an X-Man level super power.

Her: I know. And I heard that if it happens, that means they’re going to come into some money or something. Sorry I didn’t think of you. And I can’t even control it! If someone pops into my head, they’re going to call me. I should tell them to buy a lottery ticket right? I don’t know what’s happening to me! (stares at me in wide-eyed wonder)

Me: Well, obviously..magic?

Her: Maybe.

In other news.  I joined an improv practice team that will meet on Sundays, I signed up for a stand-up class that starts in a couple of weeks. Improv 201 is going swimmingly, thanks for asking.

I went to a show at UCB Monday night for credit and at the end they had something called an “Improv Jam” where you sign up and anyone can do it. I hadn’t planned on it since it was already 10:30 and I hadn’t watched last week’s The Blacklist yet but my improv class friend Edith said, “Go sign up!” and not being one to argue, I did. Last time I went to a jam I had never been on stage before so I was like eeeehhhI’ll just sit this one out. But I had experience now. I had been on stage that one time. So when they called my name (Well, not *my* name but “Anna Wolf” which was like, whatever close enough – they’re improvisors not literary publishers) I was like yup, I’m coming up there.

Somehow I initiated a scene where this dude was my boyfriend but also obsessed with Jennifer Lopez (the suggestion was “maid”) and I said something about how last week he was her in Maid in Manhattan and today he was Jenny from the Block. Thirty seconds into the game I realized I could not name a single other movie Jennifer Lopez was in in order to move the scene along to anything else. It was not the best. But a lesson learned: Don’t commit to a J-Lo centric scene if you don’t know shit about Jennifer Lopez. That is my free advice to you all today.

Another scene was a lot better. It was about me being a 5th grade teacher inappropriately assigning an essay about murder. My humor is getting so sophisticated I can’t even handle it.

That’s all. That is all my updates for today my little candy-coated balloon animals. Later!

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