I Change Shapes Just to Hide in This Place but I’m Still I’m Still A Danimal

6 Apr

So I flirted with Wix a little bit, thinking it was smarter to start a new blog from scratch then just pay the stupid 80 bucks to get my domain name back from WordPress but who am I kidding? I barely have time to take the wrapper off my Klondike bar before I bite into it. I’m back!

 

 

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My WIX post described what I’ve been doing these past few months, but really the most important thing is that I live in Washington Heights now with my husband of 27 days (in your FACE Kim Kardashian) and totally have a real job! With money! And consequences!

I can’t really talk about work but I can tell you valuable lessons I have learned so far working for a legit company (disclaimer, these lessons probably apply to all jobs, and situations and life. Basically do the opposite of what I do always)

1. If you don’t know who someone is, and you just met them, don’t say “I’m not sure if I’ve met you yet, there’s so many white men who work here that I can’t tell them apart.” Because that person might be your superior. Just don’t say shit like that to anyone. Ever.

2. If you forget your badge in your bag when you go for lunch and security has to call your boss to come sign you in, don’t bitch about how tight security is and say “It’s not like a have a gun in this cardigan or anything!” Don’t say ‘gun’ to security.

3. Maybe wait at least a week before suggesting to your new office mates that you all get matching Jerseys.

As for apartment living, it’s weird not being in my dorm at UMD. I was confused as to how one makes friends when one is not in school. I kind of stand outside my apartment waiting for my neighbors to come out so I can say hi to them. One neighbor, Alice, has a big dog named Mitzy. I met her husband/boyfriend/male friend the other day when he was leaving the apartment.

Me: Oh, that’s Mitzy right?

Dude: Yeah…

Me: Hi, I’m Aviva. I live over there. I met Alice.

Dude: Oh, hey. I noticed there was a new welcome mat. There used to be a really nice old couple who lived there. I liked them.

Me: Um…I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened to them.

Dude: Oh well, they used to have a Boston Terrier. Do you have a dog?

Me: Ah, no.

Dude: Oh…Okay bye!

So, friendship is a work in progress.

I did however make friends with the wine guy down my block. My mom says she doesn’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

 

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                Trick question, wine is always a good thing.

 

Ari and I threw a Wine and Cheese party for a few friends we just met and to celebrate wine and cheese. I went to the store down the block and remarked to the guy how good his selection was.

Wine Guy: Oh yes, well we are always getting new wine in stock and adding new kinds.

Me: Well, haha I drink a lot of wine!

Wine Guy: *Looks down at the 8 bottles I’m buying*

Me: Oh! Ah, this isn’t for me…it’s for my friends…I have…friends.

WG: Sure, sure. Well, I’m sure I’ll see you again then!

So to recap: Wine guy, more friendly than neighbor.

 

Now that you’re caught up I will continue to post! Hopefully! Unless some wine or cheese catch my attention…

One Response to “I Change Shapes Just to Hide in This Place but I’m Still I’m Still A Danimal”

  1. RaMichal April 7, 2014 at 11:55 am #

    Good to see that married life and a real job haven’t changed your super awkward personality.

    Thanks for the blog shout out

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