Tisha B’av – As Told By Someone Who Only Understands Pop Culture

15 Jul

Tuesday is Tisha Ba’v. For those of you who aren’t familiar, Tisha Ba’v is the 9th day of the month of Av in the Jewish calendar. It commemorates the day when the first and second temple were destroyed. On that day, practicing Jews refrain from eating and drinking, bathing, listening to music and sitting comfortably. Jews in summer camps burn words made out of sticks, watch Schindler’s List and play cards.

 

"Oh no my stick collection!"

“Oh no my stick collection!”

 

A couple of years ago, I wrote about why I liked the holiday of Tisha Ba’v – because it forces us to confront the worst aspects of our history as well as ourselves. It’s uncomfortable to sit on the floor of your temple and hear accounts of the bloody and awful destruction, it’s awkward to be forced to watch movies about the Holocaust. Three-hundred-and-sixty-four days of the year, we cheer each other up with jokes, we drown our sorrows with Ben & Jerry’s, we play the same Adele song over and over again. But not on Tisha B’av.

For those not familiar with the story of why the Jews were expelled from the second temple, it almost reads like the plot of Mean Girls.

Imagine you go to Israelite High school (class of ’70 CE! whoo- hoo!) It’s a pretty good school, you guys get good grades and you’re always winning sports things (nationals? Are sports not the same as the glee club?) and whenever nearby schools play any pranks you guys totally get them back. Sure there are cliques, every school has ‘em. There are the athletes, the kids in College Bowl, the really rich girls, the boys who spend 7th period hanging out setting things on fire in the chemistry lab, that girl who looks way too old to be in high school and is always asking you questions about what normal teens do.

 

 

"Mmm...blending in."

“Mmm…blending in.”

 

 

You guys used to be tight in elementary school but something’s changed. The lines between the groups are hardly crossed anymore. It’s gotten to the point where people have started being cruel. Everyone talks shit about each other. Your friends are ragging on a boy you know for a fact they’ve never talked to. Different groups accuse the other of not caring about the school or your teams, the worst offense. You can’t sit with us!

Then finally, at the end of the year there’s a huge party at this popular girl Kaitlyn’s house. And Kaitlyn fucked up the email addresses of the people she wanted to come and accidentally invited this girl who she hated. And when this girl showed up with some Smirnoff and was like “Hey girl, I’m glad we can put this whole dumb fight behind us.” Kaitlyn was like “GTFO and don’t come back.” You thought it was stupid drama but everyone couldn’t stop talking about it. (This isn’t even a fake anecdote to add to the high school theme – this crazy party ordeal actually happened)

Finally, your principal gets mad. Really mad. He’s like “Fine, you don’t want to be a unified school anymore? You’re all expelled!” and then to make sure no one can come back he burns the school down and immediately retires. (Well, more like Mr. Feeny retires, in the sense that you won’t find him at school every day but he’ll pop up sometimes when you go to college, or at your wedding or when you realize that you signed up for gibberish college classes and fly to Wyoming.)

 

 

I get it C, i had gibberish college classes to. They were called math.

I get it Cory, I had gibberish college classes too. They were called math.

 

 

Now you all have to go to different schools – rival schools. Roman High. And all those kids are jerks. They don’t know your football cheers, or have Pajama Day or remember the time Brian Masters got his head stuck in the volleyball net. They suck. You miss Israelite High.

Now replace high school with nation and that’s pretty much why the Jews were exiled – baseless hatred. Being judgmental assholes. And it’s not surprise we haven’t learned our lessons yet.

We are a society that loves to hate.

We hate Justin Bieber. We hate Kim Kardashaian. We hate the barista that fucked up our drink order even though it was so simple. We hate that girl from high school who keeps sending us dumb game requests on Facebook. We hate our ex-boyfriends. We hate Taylor Swfit’s ex-boyfriends. We hate Taylor Swift. We hate Obama. We hate Romney. We hate that guy who traps you in a conversation about how stressed he is and how much he hates his professor. God, we hate that guy. Because guess what? Hating feels awesome. Hating feels powerful. Hating means that you are better than something and someone. That you have the ability to say you have other options. You’re different. And it’s tearing us apart.

 

 

How could you hate a face like that?

“Why did you call me a cry baby??”

 

 

Confession: When I was 15-years-old I went on a travel trip with a bunch of other teens, mostly from the New York area. And it was awful. I cried all the time. I was shy and awkward and couldn’t make friends very easily. One day I was sitting in a hotel room with a bunch of obnoxious girls talking about other kids on the program.

One girl stops brushing her hair to say, “I hate X.” And another girl asks why. The first girl shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know. I just do.”

I was speechless. I couldn’t even get someone to be nice to me. I didn’t have the luxury to decide that I hated someone.

Then in high school, for a short time, I was ran with a crowd of girls who loved talking shit about other people. It felt good to be on the other side. I had the ability to say I don’t need you. You mean nothing to me and therefore I can say whatever I want about you. But after a while, I felt sick. I had too much empathy for the people they were picking on. And after I decided I didn’t want to partake in their little games, I realized I didn’t really have that much in common with them. And I was much happier with the new friends I eventually made when I realized that there’s more to friendships than gossip; like talking about TV shows.

 

 

And by "other friends" I mean these guys. And by "TV shows" I mean, these were my friends.

And by “other friends” I mean these guys. And by “TV show” I mean, these were my  only friends.

 

As hard as it is to believe, Judaism is all about teamwork. God hates when we talk shit about each other and hate each other for no reason. There’s something that used to be a thing back in the day of the temple but not anymore. When someone committed Lashon Harah, or “evil talk”/gossip, they would contract an awful skin disease. God was literally saying “You wanna be ugly on the inside? Cool, now you’re ugly on the outside.” And then the gossiper had to live in a house on the outskirts of town until they could be given the cure.

Can you imagine? Imagine if every time you wanted to say something awful about someone you had to live in a house with other gossipy bitches. Do you know what house that is? It’s the America’s Next Top Model house. It’s the Kardashian household. It’s the Jersey Shore. I’m not asking you to stop talking about other people, that’s unrealistic and irresponsible to ask but JUST imagine that before you spoke about someone think Is this worth not seeing any of my friends again? Is it worth it? Today we might not have physical walls keeping people who judge unfavorably apart but speech builds its own walls. Hate keeps people out.

Recently, on a website I found on how to live minimalistic, I read a post about decluttering the negative thoughts from your life. It said Take responsibility for your mind. Realize that your thoughts and speech have a profound effect on the universe. We don’t have the temple because we’re still having petty thoughts and arguments. Take responsibility for your role in uniting the Jewish people. If Tisha B’av teaches us anything is that we have to stop being assholes to each other. There’s nothing you have to wake up early to do, nothing you have to spend extra money on, nothing you have to announce to your family at your next holiday….you don’t even have to start being nice. Just stop adding hate.

 

 

"Mom, Dad...I'm converting to...niceness."

“Mom, Dad…I’m converting to…niceness.”

 

I hope one day to be in a setting where someone makes an offhand comment about how much she likes someone. And when another person asks why, she’ll shrug and say “I don’t know, I just do.”

26 Responses to “Tisha B’av – As Told By Someone Who Only Understands Pop Culture”

  1. Karen Miller July 15, 2013 at 4:09 am #

    ODD,BUT INTERESTING APPROACH…IMPROVEMENT….UPLIFTING…REDEMPTIVE SPIRIT….

  2. Eva D July 15, 2013 at 10:37 am #

    Great way to put it in perspective for the modern world. This isn’t the whole story, but it’s certainly a good way to address the core issues. Thanks for sharing this!

  3. Shachar L July 15, 2013 at 2:30 pm #

    Great article. Nice pop culture twist to things

  4. Anonymous July 15, 2013 at 2:54 pm #

    I liked it but I didn’t think all the cursing was necessary, sometimes the message gets lost with words like that

  5. avivawoolf July 15, 2013 at 3:01 pm #

    Thanks so much for your feedback guys, I really appreciate it and I’m glad it made you think as well.

  6. anon July 15, 2013 at 3:43 pm #

    LOVE IT! If i were still working with teens (ala NCSY) i would love to share this with them.

    Thanks for posting!

  7. Ralph D July 15, 2013 at 4:41 pm #

    So I found this article on a random post via Facebook and I thought I’d take a look at it. I don’t know you but I want to tell you how great this piece of writing is. I went to an Orthodox school and even though I learned the basics of the holiday throughout the years, your single article put it into a perspective that not only was a pleasure to read but one that will make me realize the importance of the holiday and the idea of adom le chavero. Great job!

  8. Anonymous July 15, 2013 at 4:47 pm #

    How funny…there were curse words in that article? lol Perspective. It’s an interesting thing…

    Loved the article, by the way. : )

  9. Liz July 15, 2013 at 5:25 pm #

    Brilliant take. Ok. I’m ready. Bring It On.

  10. Laura Ben-David July 15, 2013 at 9:24 pm #

    That was fun, and amusingly accurate!

  11. frugal food shopper July 16, 2013 at 6:17 am #

    Great perspective- I will defintely show it to my teens.

  12. thesixthsensenetwork July 16, 2013 at 8:32 am #

    I love what you wrote, I just do.

  13. ck July 16, 2013 at 9:13 am #

    Pure bloggy awesomeness. Don’t change a thing.

  14. Tzippy July 16, 2013 at 9:57 am #

    I’m a teacher and I have to tell you that so many of my students do not get why they should feel bad about the Beis Hamikdash being destroyed. Your article hits it on the nail in a way that they can understand. Thank you!

  15. YS July 16, 2013 at 7:15 pm #

    Love this take. Great job at putting the hurban beit hamikdash into a modern-day context !

  16. Chaya H. July 16, 2013 at 10:18 pm #

    Yes. Wonderful.

  17. Anonymous July 17, 2013 at 1:23 am #

    Good article. I was not a fan of the curse words though.

  18. Anonymous July 17, 2013 at 6:12 am #

    I also think that the curse words are really out of place.

  19. Anonymous July 17, 2013 at 12:37 pm #

    Interesting reading. Just recently sent a kid to Ramah sleep away camp. I will have to share with him

  20. YourBestFriend July 17, 2013 at 2:17 pm #

    Wow, this really made me think. One of the most powerful aspects of this post is that it brings the reader to understand that although the temples were destroyed so long ago, we all play a crucial role in bringing them back. You weren’t too preachy about it, though. I feel like I was there with you when you experienced all that hatred in childhood. We all were. And that’s why you’re an awesome writer. Wanna write a post about weddings and marriages?

  21. avivawoolf July 17, 2013 at 6:46 pm #

    Hey, thanks so much for the feedback! I’m glad it really resonated with you. I’ve been thinking about weddings and marriages lately but I’ve also been thinking about adopting a rabbit so really who knows what I’ll write next.

  22. Yoni Berg August 4, 2014 at 7:32 pm #

    Second year I’ve posted this on Facebook AND shared it with a teen tour group I lead in Israel. It’s so great, thank you.

  23. maybeofftopic365 July 23, 2015 at 10:37 pm #

    This is fantastic. My only quibble is that, as a remarkably well articulated piece of religious thought, you give yourself all too little credit in the title. The ideas stand on their own, and the fact you used pop culture to make that point is nothing to be even a little ashamed of. On the contrary, it makes it better. Give yourself more credit, I guess is what I’m saying.

  24. Anonymous July 26, 2015 at 1:13 pm #

    Nice article, but you left out the part when the girl offered Kaitlyn to pay for her meal, and then for the entire party in exchange to not getting kicked out.

  25. Meir Dee July 26, 2015 at 3:25 pm #

    Great analogy – and a very important message. I also agree that the use of bed language detracts rather than adds to the message (couldn’t come up with other words to convey the sentiment?) Perhaps a slight reference back to Kamtza/Bar Kamtza would have revealed that this is not an original idea.

    Still, a very potent message well put.

  26. M.K. July 27, 2015 at 2:10 am #

    Loved the article. Can’t wait for more!

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Daily (w)rite

A DAILY RITUAL OF WRITING

Willfully Disobedient

because behaving is boring

Invisible Mikey

philosophic topics and the arts

All Romance Reads

Get Your Swoon On

%d bloggers like this: