Star Trek – Into Benedict Cumberbatch’s Arms

13 Jun

It’s Thursday! That must mean I have an assignment due at midnight so it’s time for me to procrastinate with a blog post! Yippee!

Last night I went to see Star Trek Into Darkness, with my Baltimorian friend (hi Yael!), her boyfriend and her friend. It was her friend’s idea to see Star Trek and I agreed because 1. I didn’t want to spend the evening reading alone on the steps outside while all these young mothers from my building gave me the side-eye while playing with their kiddies and 2. Benedict Cumberbatch you guys! Sherlock! And also he was in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (even though I fell asleep 20 minutes into that movie and then had to endure the next hour and a half totally not following the plot even a little bit).

I’ve never seen Star Trek, not the TV show or other ST movies. I’ve only seen things in passing, like from Big Bang Theory or whatever. I know the Vulcan salute (“Did you know that was the Cohen Gadol’s thing?!? ~ every Jewish nerd ever), I know the “Dammit Jim I’m a doctor not a _____” and I know that William Shatner was Captain Kirk (side story about William Shatner. When I was 16, I had an SAT tutor named Bill who used to wear overalls, carry around a ukelele and smell like the dentist. One time he told me that he and Shatner had a public access show together in the 80’s before “Shatner killed his wife. Well, it was never proven, but she was found drowned in her pool and he was the only one home.” I’ve never looked into this.Also I got a 1240 on my SATs if you were wondering) So my thoughts on the movie are COMPLETELY unfounded – feel free to not correct me on anything. Also, spoilers maybe?

Star Trek – Into Darkness

1. I liked the movie, it was pretty entertaining. I usually run out of patience for big explosiony movies but this one for some reason didn’t make me want to check my watch every 10 minutes. Maybe because the concept of the Star Fleet and Klingons were new to me as opposed to all these superhero movies where I’m like OK, we get it, you’re Iron Man, calm down.

2. It’s oddly unsettling to see so much crying in this movie. I mean, it’s cool that we have tough sci-fi space pilots showing a lot of emotions over fwendship or something but there’s only ONE kind of crying in this movie and it’s the “eyes slowly filling up, and one blink causes one solitary tear to drift down.” Maybe people in the future only cry one tear and that’s that. It seems efficient.

crying

Everyone in this movie must cry at least 3 times. It’s in their contract.

 

3. Okay, so we’re in the future. I can dig that. Wacky hair-dos, nifty doo-dads and wheel-less cars. Fine. But WHY ARE THE WOMEN ON THE STAR FLEET WEARING FUCKING MINI-DRESSES? I know *why* they are. But aren’t they in space?  Would you expect a NASA astronaut to wear a skirt in space? When Zoe Saldana gets to wear whatever she wants to go get Benedict Cumberbatch she wears pants because that JUST MAKES MORE SENSE. Isn’t it COLD? Why are the dudes wearing long sleeves and pants? In my office, they keep the temperature like -50 degrees because the dudes are wearing suits and I get that, fine so I bring 47 cardigans and a tub of chicken soup to swim in while I’m working. If I was on the Star Fleet, I’d be like “Every staircase in this damn ship is like those plank kinds that everyone can see up ma damn skirt! Can’t I wear something more functional? Also I’m freezing can someone get me a Snuggie?” I’m kind of disappointed Snuggies aren’t the uniforms of the future but whatevs.

 

4. Maybe because I’ve never seen any other part of this franchise but I didn’t have very many loyalties to the characters and therefore AUTOMATICALLY sided with Benedict Cumberbatch (fun fact, did you know his fans are called “Cumberbitches”?) Ugh I don’t even care that he did that one-tear thing HE WAS THE BEST AT IT. Also SO many people have blue eyes in this film which is strange since I think I read somewhere that in 100 years all blue eyes and blonde hair will be gone. I might’ve made that up.

Live long and prosper CB - also hey, I knew that phrase too!

Live long and prosper CB – also hey, I knew that phrase too!

5. Also Charlie Bartlett plays Chekov in the movie and the whole time I was like “that accent is terrible! couldn’t they have gotten a REAL Russian to play it??” but I just looked him up on IMDB and apparently his name is Anton Yelchin and he’s originally from Lenningrad so that’s my B, I obviously don’t know what a Russian accent sounds like.

6. Is Scotty called Scotty because he’s Scottish? Please someone tell me that’s not why.

So, that’s all. Nothing happened at work today so much except that my boss made me delete a Tweet because it had the word “rainbowtastic” in it. I’m sorry, do you want REAL WORDS or do you want people to CLICK YOUR LINK? It was in regards to Pride Week in Baltimore and what I really wanted to say is that you’d have a gay ‘ol time if you went but I decided against it.

Also I can’t shower because I murdered a cave cricket in my shower and I need to wait a few hours to make sure it’s not just tricking me and planning to jump on me the second I try to move it.

2 Responses to “Star Trek – Into Benedict Cumberbatch’s Arms”

  1. Bayla June 14, 2013 at 12:46 am #

    Actually, I think Scotty is called that because his name is Mr. Scott – though being Scottish is a bonus…

  2. avivawoolf June 14, 2013 at 12:52 am #

    Are Scottish people allowed to name people Scott?

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