I wasn’t planning on writing anything today because nothing particularly exciting happened. But now I’m sitting in a 24 hour Dunkin Donuts because I had planned to come here and watch a movie for my online class and I forgot my headphones! And the movie doesn’t have subtitles. And I already took my laptop out and ordered a latte so here I shall stay. So, I will write up a top 10 list of Top Ten Things I am Thinking About Right At This Moment:
1. Is it sexist of me to wait until a girl sits near me at a cafe to ask if she can watch my stuff? I learned in Criminology 101 that the greatest indicator of crime commit-ers is the sex of the person, or something. I got a C in Crim. One day a girl is going to steal my shit and I will be proven to be a sexist and I will be a sad panda.
2. Dunkin Donuts is now selling “Frozen Hot Chocolate.” I TOTALLY had that idea a couple of years ago but then I realized that that that was just chocolate milk. Apparently no one told DD. Also I should have patented it.
3. Today when I came into work a reporter I had met yesterday jokingly called out “Wow! You came back!” I don’t really understand why all these writers are trying to make it seem like working there sucks. It’s awesome, there’s free cinnabuns and I spent a good chunk of yesterday reading the rantings of elderly people on the Zits comic comments section. Maybe it’s just a way of slightly hazing me like we’re in a gang. Well too bad because you can’t make me quit I AM THERE FOR LOVE AND CLEARLY NOT MONEY.
4. This lady walking through DD has thick white socks and clogs. I feel like it’s my civic duty to judge her.
5. This quote by George Bernard Shaw: “Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.”
6. Ughghhh…why did I say I would write ten things? That is clearly way too many things going on in my brain. I can do like 3 things tops.
7. This picture
8. GODDAMN YOU ZACH FROM COMCAST WHY CAN’T YOU SET UP MY WIFI LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING? CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I AM GOING CRAZY WITHOUT IT? AACHHH I HOPE YOU ORDER SOMETHING FROM AMAZON THEN YOU DON’T SEE THE EMAIL THAT IT WAS CANCELLED SO YOU WAIT AND WAIT AND IT NEVER COMES. XXXGGMMRRTSSFHSG.
9. One time I went to firefighter training camp for one whole day because I worked for the city of NY and they let us do cool stuff. We got to wear all the gear and it was a trillion degrees outside. The big burly fire-chief was like there’s ONE rule, don’t leave your gloves anywhere, anyone who leaves his gloves anywhere will pay a penalty. Then we went to put out some simulated car fire and as we were leaving he was like WHO LEFT THEIR GLOVES BY THE FIRE?! And I looked down at my gloveless hands and sheepishly raised one. “Do 10 push-ups!” he barked at me. “Okay…OR how about all 10 of us do ONE push-up?” i offered. “Are you negotiating with me?!” he yelled. “Um…okay we won’t do that. How about I just do 5 instead?” and he sighed and said OK since I must have looked like I was about to cry. So then I had to do 5 pathetic push-ups with my stupid weak arms in front of all these strangers with all my heavy gear and even that WASN’T AS PAINFUL AS WAITING TWO MORE DAYS FOR WIFI.
10. Should I get a donut?