Archive | May, 2013

You’re so smart! I had no idea.

29 May

Hey there.

Still not in Baltimore, I leave Monday. Until then, I’ve just been 1. Visiting my grandmother in Florida 2. Healing emotional scars left by my grandmother after my visit (I shall attach lovely quotes by her at the end of the post) 3. Doing various errands like getting the heat/AC in my car fixed because I refuse to have another summer where I have to drive my car in heat so intense I want to drive it into a tree with my suicide note written on fogged up windows. One such errand today was to get my cheekbones checked. When I was mowed down by a bike in September I fractured my Maxilla bone and the doctors put some metal in it. I hadn’t had time to get it checked out til today. I drove to Great Neck and walked into this complex where there was a doorman sitting at a desk and I asked where Doctor Israel’s office was located. The doorman looked up from his paper and said “I’m Doctor Israel!”

I never know what to do in these situations because I feel like laughing would be kind of insulting like “Ha ha ha! Don’t be ridiculous! You could never be a  doctor! You’re just a doorman!” But then if I’m like “Oh..umm..OK so my cheekbone was fractured…” I look like an idiot. So I say nothing like an idiot. I swear, people who work at front desks have got to be the most bored people I’ve met. Whenever I ask them “Do you know where X is?” they’ll say like “Nope…..just kidding!” or “Yes, I’ll tell you for a dollar.” It adds so much unnecessary stress to my life. But after I found my way to the real doctor, I learned that my mouth is fine and also what/where exactly the metal is. It’s like a T shaped titanium thing between my eye and jaw. It’s pretty funky so obviously I posted a picture of the X-Ray on Facebook as soon as I could.

Titanium Smiles (Is the name of my punk rock band)

I’ve been spending the rest of the day watching Time Burton’s Alice in Wonderland for a class I’m taking summer called Film Adaptations of 21st Century Literature. Sounds pretty rough.

Anyways – If you hadn’t been following obsessively on Facebook, here are my Bubby Quotes: 

Me: *singing*
Bubby: Oh my God Do you sing like this for your boyfriend?
Me: I sing like this for everyone. Do you like it?
Bubby: Yes and no. No, because you don’t really have a good voice.
Me: And the yes?
Bubby: Is yes I don’t like it. I didn’t want to say anything. I’m sorry I’m sorry keep singing.
Me: I don’t want to anymore.

Bubby: Avivaleh! Hi! What’s new? How are you?
Me: Oh noth-
Bubby: When are you getting married??!
Me: That was quick.

“You’re so smart! I had no idea.” – Bubby

Bubby: How do you directions around here so well?! You know better than me!
Me: I have a GPS. You think I know mile for mile how far things are in Hollywood?
Bubby: Oh, a machine. Everyone uses a machine. Why don’t you use your brain? Maybe you don’t have any? Does that machine tell you shortcuts? No.

Me: That cafe was nice. What did you tell that family when we left?
Bubby: Oh, I just went over to tell them how old I was, and how tired I was

Bubby:  Your friends aren’t that attractive. And that’s an ugly baby.

Bubby: You’re gonna be a journalist? And travel the world? What if you have kids?!
Me: I’ll take them with me.
Bubby: And if they’re infants??
Me: I’ll put them in my backpack
Bubby: No. Either stay home with your children or don’t have kids at all.
Me: What if my husband stays home and I work? Is that Ok?
Bubby: No. That doesn’t happen. You have to stay home. Kids don’t want thee fathers only their mothers.
Me: It never happens?
Bubby: No! Never!

Testing, Testing

10 May

I still have another 21 days until my official start of summer, two essays due on Monday, assorted debris waiting to be packed up but I’m too excited to do any of that noise! My site looks so rad, it’s like a I’m a real person who knows what they’re doing. I feel like this site screams “ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS SPRING’S NEW FLORAL BLAZERS!” But I spent 97 hours on WordPress finding a good layout so we’re just gonna get through it together.

Today was the last official day of school. I’m not someone who really loves being in a classroom or being a student but I am terrible with endings. I just get all weirdly nostalgic for these half-strangers I sat next to for three months. I get misty eyed and look around the room like we’re a senior basketball team at the end of a Disney movie. “Oh, boy-who-hit-his-keyboard-keys-WAY-too-hard-and-loudly, I will miss you.” “Girl-who-told-that-story-3-times-about-her-friend-who-was-straight-but-then-went-to-an-all-girls-school-and-is-now-a-lesbian, seriously how did you not remember that you told us that story three times in this class? What’s wrong with you?” “Dude-who-flattened-out-his-granola-bars-before-he-ate-them, you keep doing you, special snowflake.” Basically, what I’m trying to say is that I go to school with weird people. Also, I just want to hug my teachers but I know that is kind of frowned upon (Oh, except one overly affectionate teacher who opened his arms wide to a girl who was leaving, saw her face, dropped his arms and was like ‘Ha. i’m just kidding!”) also, I don’t *really* want to hug them. I just want to be in 8th grade and have a last day party with Entenmann’s doughnuts and signing books.

And no essays.

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